Special Edition: Top 5 Parenting Advice Tips I Never Used (And Now Regret Deeply)
Welcome to another Special Edition of Dad on the Rocks, where we drink too much cold coffee, step on too many Legos, and pretend we totally meant to wear this stained hoodie in public.
Today I present to you: The Top 5 Parenting Advice Tips I arrogantly ignored, casually dismissed, or loudly mocked... and now wholeheartedly regret. Buckle up, because hindsight is 20/20, and parenting is mostly squinting into chaos with blurry glasses and a juice box in your pocket.
1. "Sleep when the baby sleeps."
What I did instead: Laundry. Dishes. Caught up on emails. Watched 47 minutes of a Netflix show I wouldn’t finish until 2027.
Why I regret it: No one told me that sleep becomes a currency in parenting. Like Bitcoin in 2010, I laughed at it. Now I’d sell a kidney for a nap longer than 17 minutes.
What I should have done: Slept like a possum in daylight every single time that baby blinked.
2. "Stick to a routine."
What I did instead: Operated like a jazz musician on espresso. Nap time? Vibes. Bedtime? Whenever the last snack ends. Bath night? Are they visibly crusty?
Why I regret it: Turns out, kids love structure. They thrive in it. Meanwhile, my toddler once screamed because her banana broke in half and that wasn’t "part of the plan."
What I should have done: Written down a schedule, laminated it, and worshiped it like a sacred scroll.
3. "Don't negotiate with terrorists."
What I did instead: Gave in to demands involving popsicles, screen time, and a very specific pair of socks that are somehow always dirty.
Why I regret it: My kid now negotiates better than most corporate lawyers. She's two and has already cornered me into a 3-dessert treaty and a no-toy-confiscation clause.
What I should have done: Taken a hard line. Been the parental version of Liam Neeson. I have a very particular set of boundaries...
4. "Date nights matter."
What I did instead: Stared blankly at my spouse over cold takeout while a baby monitor glowed like a haunted relic in the corner.
Why I regret it: We became passing ships. Like coworkers on different shifts. We love our kids, but man, we forgot we liked each other too.
What I should have done: Paid the teenager down the street $20 and gone to Chili's like two rebellious teens with a Groupon.
5. "Put your phone down."
What I did instead: Captured every single "precious moment" on camera, then got distracted by fantasy football, a Reddit thread, or the existential dread of my inbox.
Why I regret it: I missed things. Not all of them. But enough. Enough to know that no video beats being present.
What I should have done: Set it down. Looked up. Memorized the mess and the magic. Phones don’t make memories. We do.
Final Thoughts:
Here’s the thing. Parenting isn’t a game you win. It’s a marathon where you occasionally trip on your own shoelaces and get lapped by a juice-stained 2-year-old yelling about string cheese.
And that’s okay.
If you’re like me and ignored a few wise words along the way, welcome. Pull up a tiny chair, grab a lukewarm cup of coffee, and know this: we’re doing alright. Mistakes and all.
Ha. I love number 3 don’t negotiate with terrorists. Great Read!! Thanks for sharing this.
I had a 4 year old and two twins. 10 minutes naps ..someone was always awake. Moms are schedulers .. dad was popcorn 🍿 and “they didn’t ask for anything to eat” negotiations…go ask your mom…go ask your dad… if all else fails..go ask grandma.