Top 5 Things My Kids Have Said That Absolutely Wrecked Me

Because nothing prepares you for deep existential questions from someone wearing inside-out pants and jelly on their chin.

As a parent, you expect certain milestones: first steps, first words, first time they yell “MOM!” directly into your ear canal like they’re testing speaker volume.

What you don’t expect?
The verbal gut punches. The weirdly philosophical moments. The completely unfiltered observations that leave you questioning your life, your hygiene, and whether or not you’re emotionally equipped to raise small humans.

My kids—bless them—are sweet, chaotic, loud, and unintentionally savage. They’ve said some things that stopped me in my tracks. Some that made me laugh so hard I nearly dropped a sippy cup. And some that cracked my heart wide open when I least expected it.

So here it is: the Top 5 Things My Kids Have Said That Absolutely Wrecked Me (in no particular order, because emotional damage doesn’t follow a spreadsheet).

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5. “Daddy, are you gonna be old forever?”

This was asked with the kind of innocent concern usually reserved for puppies with limps.

I had just groaned getting off the floor after building block towers for 45 minutes. My back sounded like a popcorn machine, and I let out that signature dad noise that somehow contains pain, pride, and aging all in one syllable.

She looked up at me, pat my hand gently, and dropped that existential haymaker.

“Are you gonna be old forever?”

Not “Are you okay?” or “Can I help?”
Just a gentle reminder from my tiny nurse that I am one nap away from a reverse mortgage.

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4. “When I grow up, I hope I still love you this much.”

Listen. I was not ready.

We were lying on the floor, just the two of us, looking at the ceiling fan and talking about nothing. No big emotions, no heavy conversations. Just one of those soft, in-between parenting moments where the noise fades and you remember why all of it matters.

And then she said it.
Soft. Gentle. Almost like a secret.

“When I grow up, I hope I still love you this much.”

My heart? Shattered.
The room? Spinning.
The ceiling fan? Witness to my emotional collapse.

I told her, “I’ll always love you this much, too.”
She said, “Even if I get a little annoying?”
I said, “Especially then.”

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3. “You can’t be tired. You’re the grown-up.”

Ma’am.

I am the grown-up because I am tired. That’s the whole qualification. That’s the entire résumé.

This was said at 6:03 AM. On a Saturday. After a night of being woken up three times—once for a bad dream, once for water, and once just to say “hi.”

I told her I was tired.
She blinked, sipped her juice, and with zero hesitation:
“You can’t be tired. You’re the grown-up.”

Like I had missed the fine print in the parenting contract.
Like I signed up to be a Roomba with emotional availability.

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2. “You make the rules. But Mommy makes the real rules.”

Okay, first of all: betrayal.
Second of all: she’s not wrong.

This little gem was dropped during a heated Uno game, where I may or may not have enforced a completely legitimate +4 Wild combo that sent my daughter into a tailspin. She challenged me. I held the line. Rules are rules.

And then, from across the table, with narrowed eyes and the clarity of a courtroom drama:
“You make the rules. But Mommy makes the real rules.”

Cool. So I’m just the pretend king in this emotional monarchy.
The ceremonial dad. The front-of-house greeter at a restaurant where Mom is the chef, GM, and Yelp reviewer. I’m just here for photo ops and light manual labor.

And the worst part?
I do make rules.
But apparently they are more like suggestions… printed on invisible paper… that Mommy revises in real time.

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1. “Can you keep this hug forever so I don’t forget what it feels like?”

Read that again.
Then try to keep breathing normally.

She said this into my shoulder during bedtime, arms wrapped around my neck, face buried, voice muffled but steady.

“Can you keep this hug forever so I don’t forget what it feels like?”

I wanted to say yes.
I wanted to bottle that moment, keep it on a shelf, and open it 20 years from now when she’s grown and busy and rushing out the door to somewhere I won’t be.

But instead, I just held her tighter.
Tried not to cry.
And whispered, “Always.”

Because that’s the job.
Not just showing up—but imprinting the kind of love they’ll carry, even when they can’t remember where it came from.

That’s the kind of moment that sneaks up on you, sandwiched between potty breaks and lunchboxes and “I don’t want to brush my teeth.”

And it breaks you—in the best, most necessary way.

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The Aftermath

Kids have a way of saying exactly what you didn’t know you needed to hear—right when you’re least emotionally prepared to hear it.

Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s brutal. Sometimes it’s the most honest moment you’ve had all day.

They don’t always say it in perfect sentences.
Sometimes it’s through a whisper at bedtime.
Sometimes it’s through chocolate-covered lips or from behind a blanket fort.
But every now and then, they throw a truth bomb that re-centers everything. That reminds you why you’re doing this.

Because it’s not about being perfect. It’s not about never being tired.
It’s about showing up. Being present. Loving hard, even when you’re running on fumes and caffeine.

You don’t need a parenting book. You just need to listen.
Because sometimes, the most profound thing you’ll hear all week comes from someone who still thinks “underwear” is a funny word.

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Tonight’s Cocktail: The Emotional Support Juicebox
For when your kid says something so sweet you cry into your grilled cheese.

• 1½ oz aged rum

• ¾ oz pineapple juice

• ½ oz lime juice

• ½ oz orgeat

• Splash of coconut milk

• Shake with ice, strain into a rocks glass

• Garnish with a gummy bear on a toothpick, because you earned it

Pairs well with bedtime reflections and quiet moments after chaos.