Top 5 Things to Do on Memorial Day (That Will Absolutely Go Off the Rails)
Memorial Day: the unofficial start of summer, the first test of your grill skills, your patience, and whether your kids can make it more than 11 minutes without demanding a snack or starting a water balloon fight indoors.
It’s a long weekend full of big plans, bigger expectations, and the slow realization that no one actually knows what they’re doing, but we’re all wearing patriotic t-shirts while we try.
So here are my Top 5 Memorial Day activities, based on years of experience, mild heatstroke, and the kind of memories that stick—like popsicle juice to a car seat.
1. Host a Backyard BBQ That Becomes a Full-Blown Military Operation
It starts simple: burgers, chips, cold drinks. That’s what you say the plan is.
What actually happens:
You go to the store “just for buns” and come home with a full charcuterie board, a watermelon the size of a toddler, three bags of ice that melt in your trunk, and a $72 meat variety pack that includes at least one thing you don’t know how to cook.
Then the grill won’t light. You Google “how to tell if propane is empty” while pretending you have it under control.
The kids are covered in popsicle and dirt by 10 a.m.
Your in-laws bring potato salad that looks suspicious.
The dog steals a hot dog bun.
Someone mentions politics.
By the time you sit down to eat, the food’s cold, the drinks are warm, and the baby is asleep on your shoulder. But somehow, it’s still one of those perfect family moments where no one’s looking at their phone and everyone smells like sunscreen and smoke.
Fun Level: 7/10 if you eat standing up
Stress Level: Somewhere between “just let me do it” and “why is this on fire”
Clean-Up Regret: Immediate and unrelenting